song lyrics Joining The Cult lyrics [Sounds of Basketball being shot around] [Sandler:] "Hey man, I m joining a religious cult." [Allen:] "Now, that s ridiculous." [Sandler:] "Well, I m joining it, so you gotta sign up too." [Allen:] "What are you talking about?" [Sandler:] "Hey, don t fuck me on this, man, just sign up." [Allen:] "No, I m not going to join a cult!" [Sandler:] "I can t believe you re pulling this shit on me after Monday night --" [Allen:] "What? [Sandler:] "-- I wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show -- I did that for you!" [Allen:] "Yeah, well, you kept flippin back to the game." [Sandler:] "I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN SCORE! Whadda you gotta do that s so fucking importnat you can t join the religious cult with me?" [Allen:] "Well, I was gonna go sunbathing." [Sandler:] "Oh, boy, no no, I don t think you should do that. Because this guy, Russell -- he s the leader-guy of the cult --" [Allen:] "-- yeah --" [Sandler:] "-- he was rambling on during one of the speeches about the sun being bad, like the beast can t come out because the sun s too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something -- you show up all sunburned and that guy s gonna get pissed at you and me!" [Allen:] "Well, I m not in the cult, so I don t have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!" [Sandler:] "Look, I m -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy s been saying -- some of it makes a lot of sense! [Allen:] "Well, good, but I don t want to join the cult. We can still hang out; I just won t be in it with you." [Sandler:] "The point is, I m not gonna have time to hang out with you because I m gonna be fuckin busy with this fuckin cult!" [Allen:] "So I ll visit on weekends -- we ll work it out." [Sandler:] "No, the weekends are like the busiest time -- that s when we go to flea malls and fuckin malls and talk people into joining, man!" [Allen:] "Can I join for just a little while? I told my dad I d go visit him in Florida in three weeks." [Sandler:] "Well, just, we ll ask then, but we gotta join now." [Allen:] "What s the hurry?" [Sandler:] "There s a girl I wanna meet there, what the fuck s your problem?" [Allen:] "Well, I mean I don t really have to believe in this stuff, do I?" [Sandler:] "No, no, just fuckin tell everybody you believe in this shit -- when they say the sun sucks, go, "Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin hate it too, long live the fuckin beast." [Allen:] "I don t know, man. This is crazy." [Sandler:] "Look, they re gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you re gonna get food --" [Allen:] "-- it s not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?" [Sandler:] "It s gonna be a haircut, all right? You said you need a haircut, they re gonna fuckin cut your hair. You re going in, saving twelve bucks, just fuckin do it!" [Allen:] "Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?" [Sandler:] "Yeah, sure, and if she doesn t, she ll go out and recruit one for you!" [Allen:] "Well, all right. But, hey, if I don t like it, I m going to escape, man." [Sandler:] "OK, that s up to you."
[Three weeks later!]
[Chanting repeatedly] "The night time is the right time! The night time is the right time!" [Sandler:] "Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?" [Allen:] "Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you." [Sandler:] "You re not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?" [Allen:] "You know, it s like they said. It was the only way to save him." [Sandler:] "You re a good guy." [Allen:] "You re a better one." [Chanting resumes] song lyrics
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