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This Grudge lyrics

Fourteen years
Thirty minutes
Fifteen seconds I ve
Held this grudge

Eleven songs
Four full journals
Thoughts of punishment
I ve expended

Not in contact
Not a letter
Such communication
Telepathic
You ve been vilified
Used as fodder
You deserve a piece
Of every record

But who s it hurting now?
Who s the one that s stuck?
Who s it torturing now
With an antique knot in her stomach?

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that s grown old
All this time I ve not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Like an abandoned house
Dusty covered
Furniture
Still intact
If I visit it now
Will I simply re-live it
Somehow gratuitous

But who s still aching now?
Who s tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that s grown old
All this time I ve not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Maybe as I cut the cord
Veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
Dead weight off my shoulders will rise

Here I sit
Much determined
Ever ill-equipped
To draw this curtain
How this has entertained
Validated
And has served me well
Ever the victim

But who s done whining now?
Who s ready to put down
This load I ve carried longer than I had cared to remember

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that s grown old
For the life of me I ve not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us.
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