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Love Is lyrics

I love you like kings love queens
Like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans
I need you like New Orleans needs a drought
Like Hitler s father needed to learn to pull out
And I want you like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof
And I want you like JFK wanted a car with a roof.

Cause love is taking a dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
And love is real life porn minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
And love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out that they re all filled with chocolate and even though he s heartbroken he cant complain cause he was hungry in the first place

I love you like Dora loves maps
Like the popes toilet loves holy craps
I need you like a voyeur needs a branch
Like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Never land ranch
And I want you like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform
And I want you like Anne Frank wanted
no one to read her fucking diary
Cause a diary s a collection of secret things that no one is suppose to read
That s the whole point of a diary
Millions of people have breached this little girls privacy after she was chased by nazis
Kick her while she s down

Land if we met in 10000bc I was your caveman, Youz my cavelady
If we got hot we d start rubbing
If we got hungry we d go clubbing
There s wooly mammoths but i will protect us
You re making me devolve to a homo-erectus

And if we met in 1780
I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner And you were my dark-skinned servant lady
slave
Whenever I could get away from the misses
I ll go to your shed and then I ll steal you kisses
But let s be serious I d still work you full time as a slave
Theres a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socio-economic trends
And if we met in 1941
I was a nazi Youz a gypsy on the run
That s a little redundant
That...probably wouldnt ve worked out.

Because love is your favorite food for every breakfast lunch and dinner
And love is the holocaust except you don t die quick and you don t get thinner
And love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles
And even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape
Now you don t want to reduce them at all cause if the rape rate declines you ll see an equal decline in whistle sales
Without rapists who s gonna buy your whistles?
Love is all about...
whistles
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